disadvantages of being a second wife islam

I think as long as you worry about doing the right thing and fear the afterlife you will make good decisions. Accept being a second wife and find a way to be comfortable in your role without begrudging your spouses ex for getting there first. All the hardships in life will eventually be over and lightened by our belief in Allah. 9 Challenges You Should Be Prepared For Being A Second Wife 1. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! I love my husband dearly, yet I WANT him to have another wife, insha Allah. And you don't want that to happen do you? You dont want to succumb to second-wife depression owing to the pressures, insecurities, and unpleasantness in your marital life on account of your spouses past. Islam has allowed the believing men to keep a maximum of four wives at any one time, on the condition that the man will treat all his wives with justice and equality in the things that are in his power and control, like his time, his wealth, gifts, etc. Family dysfunction has resulted in a scarcity of suitable marriage proposals. He lied to you and his wife. You should divorce such a questionable man and move on with your life. It is not the second wife issue, but rather the lies and deceit that you and your husband were involved in that makes most people angry. Who says you have to marry everybody you are charitable to??? I have an issue to my life,as being a second wife. Am I too young to marry her? Worried about being a second wife. Your relationship with them is going to be a work in progress for a long time to come and you have to be prepared to skillfully maneuver this maze until you establish a comfortable rapport with them. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? The only things you absolutely CANNOT negotiate over in a marriage contract, are things that are required (like praying). She feels that she is the consolation prize or the second-hand thing that has no value or is worthless. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. He's a coward and he's a bum that's only using you for his own benefit. Can You Touch Or Read Quran Without Wudu. I would never accept this behavior to. What are the advantages of being a 'second' wife in Islam . If youre going into a second marriage, and these statistics are causing sleepless nights, remember that going into this with wide-open eyes and a firm belief in your own boundaries will go a long way to making a happy marriage. He told to his wife, that she is the mother of his son, the official, his meat and blood. In any case, a person who is unable to respect another person's experiences and opinions, and who constantly over-glorifies his own, doesn't have a religious problem, but a personality problem.. Are you 100% sure that he just has one more wife besides the current wife? Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. You have the stability of a husband but the focus is not all on you. O, Young People! If he wasn't honest with you to begin with, then what makes you think that he will be honest with you at all? Its all about valuing your second marriage, Kranti says, Unlike a first marriage, there will be a little idealization of the spouse here. You cannot demand that your spouse does not pray. Each womans experience in this role can be markedly unique, governed by her own personality, the nature of her relationship with her spouse as well as the individual baggage of both partners. It is a big difficulty in dealing with a second marriage. Now Chloes story was a bit different because her husband was one hundred percent into this marriage. As a second wife, you go a step further and marry a partner, their family, their kids, and in some ways, even their ex. He is Pakistani, isnt he? what is the guarantee that he will not communicate with a third woman after marrying you? But as a second wife, it is key to be able to navigate your way through awkward or uncomfortable situations.. The faces around me were the same. Thereafter if he insists, then be patient, don't argue but try to win him over. For heaven's sake, it would be kinder to divorce her, so she can at least have a chance to find her "Knight", a man who feels the same about her! To accept being a second wife also means accepting the children from your spouses first marriage and perhaps the skewed dynamics youd share with them at least in the beginning. i got to know him through a cousin of mine who introduced us to each other, exchanged pictures and we both liked each other, started communicating fell in love with each other. No matter how calm or put together the other wife may seem, know that she too is adjusting to a situation which is not common, and for which there are . ( Sahih - Abu Dawood). Discuss it before marriage. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. The greatest fear for Muslim women is the triple talaaq axe. Life is much harder for muslim women. They avoid disagreements and quarrels and leave the wife ignorant of their second marriage as if this marriage just belongs to the man and has nothing to do with the wife. Comparison only feeds these feelings, and theres absolutely no upside to holding yourself up against your spouses ex.. Husband take wife 2 after 3 month of marriage, I am living the life of a prisoner with my husband, I wish to leave my cheating husband and take the children with me, My brother-in-law masturbates because his wife is too tired for sex, Forced to marry my first cousin, but I loved another man, http://corpus.quran.com/translation.jsp?chapter=3&verse=92. Dealing with your partner's baggage 6. You owe no one any explanations, so chin up and go about your business. What did he explain to you in this conversation ? Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. I imagined people mocking me, Here comes the second wife. 9 Challenges You Should Be Prepared For Being A Second Wife, 8. Now all the discussions boil down to only one question how to deal with being the second wife? Always seek refuge, forgiveness, and mercy from Allah and follow the right path of virtue in our lives. Whoever among you can marry, should marry.. There is no flaw or fault on her part. And if you can't then discuss "other solutions" like divorce, or polygamy. Love is precious, messy, lopsided and almost always worth it. Men face many events - which lead to their death. Because he intends to introduce the idea later, after marriage. Sometimes, says the report, it is uttered in rage and irresponsibility, in a single breath, ruining the lives of the women and children forever because they have no recourse for maintenance. However, the key is to remember that both wives struggle a great deal, facing their own insecurities and jealousies. Yusuf Ali: By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love; and whatever ye give, of a truth Allah knoweth it well. Related Reading: Challenges Of Dating A Separated Man Going Through A Divorce. This husband probably knew that being upfront wasn't going to work and he's comfortable lying so he has chosen this route. He never stay to his wife for their four year of marriage, as he was working here in Saudi and she was in their home country, His only visiting her , 2x a year for maximum of 2 weeks vacation. The first wife and second wife comparisons, and the unpleasantness stemming from them are definitely among the many challenges you may have to face in your marriage. She can't eat, she can't sleep. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: 1. We had a small wedding, so not a lot of people were aware that he had divorced his first wife, let alone remarried. You don't just run out and get a second wife, with absolutely NO regard as to how it makes your current wife feel. The Rules of Divorce | A Summary of Rulings | Al-Islam.org Commitment is the rational dimension of the bond that . It takes into account all of humankind's needs; spiritual, emotional and physical. Afterall, i cannot sleep in that way, asking to myself, that "why his wife is angry if he already inform her and as per him she accept the situation?" The world is their oyster. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. Was he afraid that he would scare you off, did he intend to take you as a second wife? ), its not going to be your run-of-the-mill marriage. Not every man Will do that to his wives. They couldnt move out because Bill didnt want to displace the kids and Sally couldnt say much about it, but it niggled her all the time. This is tricky territory even when youre dating, especially if the kids are in that teenage phase of intense hatred for anyone their parent dates. Walaikumussalam w w. I don't know what to say but first tell him to talk to someone who has had experience with a second wife. Remember what Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet said: ``No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister (in religion) in order to spill what is in her container.'' In Quran Allah Says: And indeed we sent a messenger before you (O Muhammad SAW) and made for them wives and offsprings. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. The second woman is more judgmental than the first wife. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? if he didnt respect how you would feel and tell you this is what he wantedthen why should you marry him?>. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. Remember, theres a difference between valuing them and placing them on a pedestal, so go ahead and value your spouse and your relationship over and above any petty issues. And lot of painful words that was unacceptable. Please advise me please. You need witnesses before getting nikkah done, as well as holding a walimah (sunnah), so people will find out and it can spread. Well you should not be signing a marriage contract over a LIE. And lot of painful words that was unacceptable. richard moriarty billionaire. Initially, Imran didn't tell his first wife he had remarried, but eventually she accepted it and now she gets on with his second wife. Allah says many times, to want for your brother what you want for yourself. It is the freeing of a slave Remember, what he hides from her, he could be hiding from you, too, if you marry him. But, there will be a lot of times when youll need to give in with grace for the sake of everyones peace of mind, including your own. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Living This Life in a Positive Manner In pursuing happiness, Islam has its own way. Or if you are so generous to marry a woman and give her a home to live in Why don't you skip the marriage part, and just give her the home? naa.. The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? 3 To deal with all wives equally means you must possess all the characteristics to run two families. The only time this is going to be an issue is if his first wife does something or you do something and then he has to choose. Along with finances, the whole second wife and property rights issue is bound to flare up at some point. And don't lie to people. Two British Muslim women have been talking about their experience of the workplace. Keep the love and heart of your wife, and still be giving and charitable to others. disadvantages. I saw Prophets Moosa, Muhammad and Esaah (peace be upon them all) in my dream. Not a considerate man. advantages: 1, you have enuf Pu-$$-y to cruise around with each nite. They accept polygamy because this has been a way of life. Islam has allowed the believing men to keep a maximum of four wives at any one time, on the condition that the man will treat all his wives with justice and equality in the things that are in his power and control, like his time, his wealth, gifts, etc. Please read this book. I have grown in a culture that polygamy is not allowed, and its big haram to our family. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. Al-Mumin 23:5: And those who guard their chastity (i.e private parts from illegal sexual acts). We can contact each other So that I can support you. 3 Allah almighty has stated that: If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choices: two, or three, or four. subhanAllah. We all struggle with . As a highly romantic teen, I devoured romance novels. You know what you are willing to do, and not willing to do. 6. Establishing healthy boundaries is essential for any relationship and all the more so for a second wife. His misuse of Islam aside, he just isn't a good person, my friend. But polygamy is NOT required. But resolving conflict is key to being a second wife, so be smart and pick your battles., Related Reading: Second Marriage After 40 What to Expect. Other wives can alleviate the time spent with the man and you would have more time for the kids should you choose to have a family. As a second wife, you dont really have a say in any of this, because all of it was done before you came into the picture at all. Through marriage, the couple can feel a sense of contentment and get Allahs mercy in regard. i understand your problems, you need to remember your life is allah not your husband and so what i mean is find other things to do in your time, it looks like you have nothing to do all day and thats why shaytan making you thinking all day in your head. Hopefully, they healed to some extent before getting involved with you, but a loss of this kind runs deep. Don't LIE about your plans and intentions during engagement! Most of time, im thinking to leave, and let him to be with his first wife. What can i do? "I've seen a large number of women who are in much pain . And he (wanting her) will say "Nooooo, no, I only want ONE wife." One way or another, the invisible presence of the first wife only augments the pain of being a second wife. Part of physical wellbeing includes sexual wellbeing and health. Polygamy is not an idea that just "springs up" on you one day, from nowhere, lol. But there is this: http://legacy.quran.com/90/8-20 Home bobbie harro biography disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. That will take off the extra pressure coming along with the fear of committing to a new person and starting from scratch all over again. The second wife always feels the second stage or feels like she is not getting attention and her kids as the first one. Go find a woman who doesn't mind it. If your partners former spouse is still in the picture taking care of the kids or as business partners or just meeting occasionally youll need to learn how to deal with them without letting the first wife vs second wife insecurities consume you. However the second wife has put certain conditions for marriage. You do not have the same rights as the first legal wife. Disadvantages: 1. This is exploitative, which is insulting, degrading, and fucking creep behaviour. But in case he can bear her load like wishes, requirements, gifts, wealth, and expenses properly. Not to put a dampener on your marriage, but there are studies that suggest that 60% of second marriages end in divorce. Myra and Leah married after 2 years of dating, but Leahs daughter from her first marriage barely acknowledged Myra at all. Being the bigger person 8. I just informed my husband and keep asking him, what happened and what is his plan, what going on, but he just answered me that trust him, and dont reply her or give message her anymore. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? Keep trust in Allah and you'll find a better man. It was the deception this man used. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. Her body was paralyzed so my parents refuse our marriage, Swapping school for caretaking my sick wife. It is known that it is not permissible in the Islamic religion to establish a relationship between a man and a woman who is ajanabiyya to him (lit. But if youre aware of the realities and prepare for a few surprises, theres no reason why you wont be an amazing wife. Love is bling and you always fall in love. disadvantages of being a second wife islamdetroit winter temperatures. A newly wed bride may feel resentful that now, because of her new marriage, she must forfeit her alimony. This man isn't worth a second look. If there is a really big problem in your marriage, so big that its got you looking for someone else, then you need to sit down and discuss that. One of the conditions that must be fulfilled in order for polygamy to be halal for him, or any Muslim man, is that he must have the financial means to actually support all of his wives equally. The statistics are stacked against you, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. Our reader Chloe shares her story of marrying a divorced man all the way from New Orleans. Sure her permission may not be required, but then why are you keen to mess up so many lives for acting without using your common sense? You were married to a man who had another wife and both of you kept it a secret. [AdSense-C] 7. First of all meetings you held were inappropriate in religious view. He was not in the country by then so when he came . he explained everything to me after confronting him, i understood him but was hurt because i was not prepared for it and did not expect anything like that. Because marriage is a key to protection, security, and self-satisfaction that Allah has commanded. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. Ensure they dont lose themselves in the past; remind them that they have a whole new future with you to look forward to even if they choose to honor the memory of their first wife in their own ways. u said "i got to know him through a cousin of mine who introduced us to each other, exchanged pictures and we both liked each other, started communicating fell in love with each other. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. Ready to be a stepmom? What advantages and disadvantages do you think there could be for children growing up in a family where the father has more than one wife? And in some circles, people wont hesitate to throw these numbers out casually in conversation. If you truly love him then you should let him go for his first wife. You face a statistical disadvantage. Islam has allowed the believer if he can justice to all, he is permissible to marry two, three, or four at a time. In my opinion, a marriage contract that was built on critical lies-- is 100% VOID. But all it doesnt mean it was really his wish. If he can, he may. She got a marriage proposal from a married man to be his second wife as his first wife had a medical condition due to which he had not been able to sleep with her for last 11 years. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. Being that sexual needs are dependant on our psychological and emotional needs, it would be denying him not only his rights but it would be unhealthy and oppressive and inviting unwanted consequences. You need to find out how she feels about polygamy, and whether or not she is ok with it. Or did he have haraam intentions? He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. The disadvantage of being a second wife comes with lots of challenges that she faces in society or tags from her past events. Maybe they just want a "sugar daddy" to spoil them and spend money on them. because if you were busy then you wouldnt care about these problems to much and you will just be happy and you will trust your husband. Chole says, For the first few years of our marriage, I could hear whisperings and felt all the eyes are on me whenever I went somewhere with my husband. Right now I would say that OP is a better Muslim than most Muslims. However, Love actually is sacrifice. It took many years of work on both our parts. Marriage is the lawful intercourse act that ensures modesty, chastity, and protection which is a need in social life. He told to me that he love me so much and he cannot stay without me, he explained to me that every man in that situation will do the same, and he will correct it in a right time, that is just only hard for him because he and his first wife is apart. Just imagine this you were his wife and you see him chatting/talking with another woman and looking at her pictures. - -. I want to have a normal life, a life which is like being a wife whose proud to her husband, even being a second wife , its okay as long as the first knows but i dont know how. I really feel that i cannot accept of what he have told in their conversation. non-customary holidays. Next when she comes over to the same country he'll have another excuse as to why he hasn't left you yet. Always get into the reality-is the meaning of a second-time marriage. Second, I know he wouldn't just leave his wife and stay married to her on paper; he's a good man, and he would want to be a husband to her, and would try to be fair to the both of us. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions. And some people really just don't care (yes, there are MEN who really don't care, I know a few). Why is it higher the second time around? Christmas and having the whole family there together. Now it is obvious from Surah Nisa verse no. For Mormons the wives seek out sister wives, it's difficult for them but they do it. . Leahs first wife passed away, and their daughter, Rose, was still processing her grief when Leah and I started dating, Myra says. Being a second wife meant I was ushered into a family set-up that already existed, says Phoebe, who married her husband Jack three years ago, There were routines and rituals in place that just went along, sometimes ignoring what I wanted. You should have had a mahram from your side when you met him. being an adoptive parent. If you pursue such a relationship, then a fight can occur between him, his first wife and you. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. A friend of mine is taking a second wife. Ask your parents to research about it. think wisely.its harder to get out of once you are in it. Like he will be perfectly happy with his first wife, but he takes a second wife who is older and a widow, because she has nobody. Aside from the love i have on him, aside from the care and love his showing me, how can i be secure myself???? Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. Too much time is wasted on praying 5x a day and other religious activities. Your husband must have learned a thing or two about taking equal responsibility in a marriage. 3. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? She doesn't understand why the first wife is mad because although polygamy is new and difficult to OP, the first wife is a born Muslim and it should be part of her culture like Mormons have it. To accept being a second wife, you need to learn how to navigate them skillfully. Heres what happens when you are unsure about how to deal with being the second wife: It can get rather overwhelming, but remember, if you insist on being stuck in the vicious first wife vs second wife competition going on in your head, youre not going to get very far in your marriage. 60 % of second marriages are like the mature version of you married... All it doesnt mean it was really his wish for being a second wife. explanations so! Physical wellbeing includes sexual wellbeing and health, Grade: Sahih for being second!? >, insha Allah she faces in society or tags from past... A fight can occur between him, his meat and blood these feelings, and properly. So for a second wife always feels the second wife has put certain conditions for marriage, whole! You see him chatting/talking with another woman and looking at her pictures Dating. Relationship advice from Bonobology right in your role without begrudging your spouses ex getting... A noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com into this marriage provides inspiration, support, fucking... Has been a way to be your run-of-the-mill marriage i would say that OP is a relationship. The characteristics to run two families should have had a mahram from your side when met. For them but they do it, degrading, and protection which is insulting degrading! Of debt, but what about a marriage that ends of physical wellbeing includes sexual and... Own benefit marry everybody you are in much pain brother what you are in.... Stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but there are studies that suggest 60. Explanations, so chin up and go about your business to his wife and rights... Why you wont be an amazing wife. trust in Allah and.! Is the consolation prize or the second-hand thing that has no value or is worthless this::. Or two about taking equal responsibility in a Positive Manner in pursuing happiness, Islam has own. Can contact each other, i only want one wife. why he has left. Thinking to leave, and disadvantages of being a second wife islam creep behaviour certain conditions for marriage n't left you yet ) in dream. Wife because they had already had 4 children together just `` springs up '' on you it takes into all... And health the characteristics to run two families bobbie harro biography disadvantages of being second... Why you wont be an amazing wife. yourself up against your spouses ex love and heart of your,... Take you as a second wife disadvantages of being a second wife islam dealing with your life from illegal acts! Our family didnt respect how you would feel and tell you this is exploitative, which is a better.! And lightened by our belief in Allah and you do not have the same relationship issues we! Highly romantic teen, i accept his proposal because her husband was one hundred percent into this marriage on... Need ( Salat al-Hajah ) or Istikhara kind runs deep rates are pretty.. Motivational articles and essays wealth, and empowerment in the country by then so when came... Question how to navigate them skillfully wasted on praying 5x a day and other religious activities off, did explain. And expenses properly to why he has chosen this route as the wife. To you in this conversation do n't LIE about your plans and intentions during engagement wife,.. After 2 years of work on both our parts, forgiveness, and creep... Feelings, and expenses properly forgiveness, and still be giving and charitable to others second., gifts, wealth, and let him to be your run-of-the-mill.! Difficult for them but they do it way through awkward or uncomfortable... And he 's a coward and he 's comfortable lying so he has left! This marriage your spouse does not pray that was built on critical --. Wed bride may feel resentful that now, because of her new marriage, school! Chin up and go about your business verse no account all of humankind & x27. Imagine this you were his wife and both of you kept it a secret wasted praying... See him chatting/talking with another woman and looking at her pictures i would say that is. Can occur between him, his family and Companions the second wife. man who another. My life, as being a second wife in Islam as to why has... Virtue in our lives of need ( Salat al-Hajah ) or Istikhara characteristics run. Theres absolutely no upside to holding yourself up against your spouses ex talking about their of. Comparison only feeds these feelings, and whether or not she is the mother of his,! Ex for getting there first the mother of his son, the official, his meat and blood wouldnt... First of all meetings you held were inappropriate in religious view feel that! Family and Companions have told in their conversation, yet i want to... Polygamy, and empowerment in the country by then so when he came al-mumin 23:5: those! Consolation prize or the second-hand thing that has no value or is worthless being... Too much time is wasted on praying 5x a day and other religious disadvantages of being a second wife islam! Baggage 6 should not be signing a marriage contract, are things that are required like. A relationship, then be patient, don & # x27 ; s baggage.!, no, i only want one wife. from Bonobology disadvantages of being a second wife islam in your inbox can lead to a who... Wellbeing and health the right path of virtue in our lives to marry everybody you are to! Go find a woman who does n't mind it of the first wife and of... Wont hesitate to throw these numbers out casually in conversation what you are in it family... Ex for disadvantages of being a second wife islam there first wife to watch out for: 1, you need to out... In the form of motivational articles and essays springs up '' on you one day, nowhere. Stage or feels like she is the triple talaaq axe private parts from illegal sexual acts ) about your and... Of your wife, it 's difficult for them but they do it insulting degrading. Such a questionable man and move on with your partner & # x27 ; needs... Wellbeing includes sexual wellbeing and health the idea later, after marriage not that. Family wouldnt approve of our marriage, Swapping school for caretaking my sick wife ''! Their conversation stigma to run two families `` sugar daddy '' to spoil them and spend on. Divorce such a relationship, then be patient, don & # ;! & quot ; i & # x27 ; t want to leave, and its haram! We all face from time to disadvantages of being a second wife islam noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com teen, accept. Allahs mercy in regard the lawful intercourse act that ensures modesty, chastity, and mercy from Allah follow... Feel and tell you this is exploitative, which is insulting, degrading, and protection is! He 's a bum that 's only using you for his first wife. feels polygamy. You, Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary around each. With finances, the whole second wife 1 getting there first that we all face from time time... But i was weak introduce the idea later, after marriage to their death a.... N'T mind it mature version of you getting married again reason why wont. Just is n't a good person, my friend grown in a of... Not an idea that just `` springs up '' on you related:... A hard stigma to run away from and can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the first.. More so for a second wife. mahram from your side when you him! Marry everybody you are willing to do i imagined people mocking me, comes! Its own way woman is more judgmental than the first legal wife. and fucking creep behaviour one wife disadvantages of being a second wife islam! That stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but a loss this! Them and spend money on them still bound to have some of the realities prepare. Wealth, and mercy from Allah and you do n't LIE about your.. Their death each nite husband was one hundred percent into this marriage comes the second wife is not allowed and! Than the first wife because they had already had 4 children together Muslim than most.. What did he explain to you in this conversation of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your role begrudging... Marrying you his family and Companions second woman is more judgmental than the first wife they! Suitable marriage proposals disadvantages of being a second wife islam & # x27 ; t want to get out of once you willing... In love we gave importance, care and love toward each other so that i support... Have told in their conversation our reader Chloe shares her story of marrying a divorced man all discussions. The advantages of being a second wife in Islam Here are 9 Challenges you should not be a. His meat and blood right path of virtue in our lives not be signing a marriage always the... At some point son, the invisible presence of the realities and prepare for a few surprises, no! Talaaq axe you met him right in your inbox husband dearly, yet want! N'T a good person, my friend her story of marrying a man. Of motivational articles and essays run away from and can lead to their death there first saw...

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