i overheard my wife talking about me
First let me say your SO is the fucking worst in my humble opinion. What else is she keeping from OP? When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. Hold on tight and never give up! I don't know what I'd do. She needs to apologize to you in a way that doesn't offset the blame to her friends. It sounds like her friends are shit. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. So props to you. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. Good luck, brother. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? Life is great and were very blessed. Who actually believes these? The simple fact of the matter is she shit talks you behind your back. My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. Saying stupid stuff about your sex life aside, why are you talking about your sex life with your friends at all? Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. Your life, you know the relationship better than us, but this is plenty to break a marriage. I'm not saying she will, I don't know her and can't make that call. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. 3. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. Solve thid situation by TALKING let her explain herself and then tell her what you feel. It's not cool she didn't. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. Those homophobes won't care that he's married to a woman. Youd always be thinking if you can trust them enough to give them certain information about yourself. I turned around and stormed off to our room. Are those things outweighed by her indiscrete talking (and her judgemental friends). I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. It's healthy and necessary. I am so sorry. Will you ever be able to trust her with any important information again? Be open with her. Funny thing she thought it would cheer me up to tell absolutely fucking everyone, just to cheer me up. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. You heard the truth when she was talking to her friends, about your private life, without your knowledge. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. I also really dont like how shes the one who initiates/etc yet was making fun of it?? Dude, I am so sorry. Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. BigbigbigBIIIIG yikes. You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. Oh My God, seriously? Dude, yeah. Soooo. Her to never talk to her friends?? As long as you are honest with yourself then it will all work out. I agree with this comment as a bi person! Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. Id also like to see those fun-o-phobes pack their bags and get out of your wifes life. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. You should seek marriage counseling after this. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. All of us are who we are meant to be, at this particular time in our life. 2.) I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? Here are some of my favorite quotes (I collect them). If you can't trust someone with your sexuality - you aren't going to trust them with anything else that matters to you, there will always be something keeping you from sharing your full self with them. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. I was hurt when I found out he had outed me to a couple of friends while bragging about some of our exploits, and he apologetically told me the day he did it because it just slipped out during bro time reading your story made my stomach churn. I told this to my then partner with all the trust in the world. Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. Ugh I'm angry for you OP, but I agree with the other posters. Names have been changed. Dont slide back to her. This. Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. Before my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. Good luck bro! It felt terrible. You deserve so much better than this. I don't think you will recover from this. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. thats some foul behaviour. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. Don't ruin your relationship because of this. Ban the girls from the house. Lol, yup its amazing how scared people are to just be themselves. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. Marriage counseling needed. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. Im bi and from a close knit, homophobic religious family. You know what Im talking about Im sure. You have every right to be pissed. If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. She broke your trust, plain and simple. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. It won't repair the damage that's been done. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. If yes then walk and bear the burdens of the breakup, but if you think you together are worth saving, then do something to sort out the issues and move beyond it. b- for creative writing, but this is total BS. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. You both need support and work towards creating a space where you both can be more honest with one another. Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Couples counseling could help. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. Why does she feel the need to show off to her friends in a way that makes them think less of you? Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. It was never between you and them anyway. Dont let your wifes shitty behavior ruin your confidence and self worth. Thats punishment enough for some. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. But I don't know that it's unforgivable. But that's fucked You need to stand up for your person to your friends not play along. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. I live in a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know and hang out with are even a little bi. They'll only hear "he likes sex with men. Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. We were having drinks and girl talk, about sex, etc.. well he didnt like a few things he heard and got upset. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. he was more "passionate" etc. No one cares. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. She was prepared to throw you under the bus and make you the butt of a joke just to impress her friends? Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. Just shows she has no loyalty. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. The best part was, after a couple of months, everything was solved, tadalafile was no longer necessary, I find out she had a hookup during that period. How much more reassurance do you need? No real worries there. I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! Doesn't matter if she means it or not. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. She put you down at your own house. Trust your gut, make the proper judgements, and most importantly bounce the fuck back. Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. Created by your wife. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. She violated a boundary. As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. Also, your wife needs to drop her biphobic friends who are being a negative influence on her and you by proxy. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? One day he throws a temper tantrum, and instead of talking with me about his insecurities, he goes off and tells everyone about it. You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. It seems she reserves honesty for her friends. You must not lose faith in humanity. Accept yourself, just try to improve. I hope you can work it out. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. She's betrayed you. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? I dont get real emotional or worked up over things.but I felt rage for the first time in a long time. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. People aren't accepting where I live either. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. You need to accept yourself for who you are. Hows everything going out there? she asked motioning to the garage smiling nervously. After some investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was f***ed up. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Your wife IMMEDIATELY tried to gaslight you as soon as she found out you heard what she had said. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. You took that better than I would have. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. It's going to suck, but it's always worth it to try and move on. About number 2, she's lying and trying to back pedal. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. Your wife really messed up. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. Now, your situation is different because you are married and have children. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. And can think clearly. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. Doesnt make it right. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. Do you think she feels the same way about you?? Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. She did not need to provide more information. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. And can think clearly. That was 100% a choice on her part. Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! Although, bi men have it way worse. Still, you are gonna have a serious talk and you're gonna have to make her understand this was unacceptable. I am a closeted bi woman. Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. She's painting an imaginary picture for these "friends" with absolutely no regard to the feelings of the person she's supposed to love & care for. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. Decide what you need to keep the relation ship going. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do There is now a before and an after in your marriage. Doesn't really sound wonderful to me if she can out private details like that so easily. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. It's not their sex life that she discussed, it's HIS sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. Period.. My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. But you have every right to be angry. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. You don't have to let it go. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. Sending you strength. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Is she going to listen to her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them? 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. I even heard her shoosh the friend who said it and peek inside the kitchen but I hid behind the counter and kept listening. Sending you my best OP. Regardless, hilarious. Let her know how betrayed you feel. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. This is divorce worthy. What she did was so horrible. Another violation of your trust. But Im not sure I know anyone who hasnt. Best of luck. Best thing to do is give it some time. Her to like the same shit you go?? Birds of a feather flock together. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. That would be the end for me. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! No true friend will stab you in the back. Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111 Think about you right now, and what you want. She values her homophobic friends' opinions more than your feelings. BS. Sorry bro, no words. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. Neither is divorce. It doesn't matter if her friends judge her for things - she needs to stand up for you as her husband. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. As Ive gotten older and talked/listened to more and more people, it definitely seems like most toxic masculinity stems from mens encounters with women they trusted, not other men. I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! We had a group of our friends over and as the night went on we all kind of busted out into little groups. The fact that her mindset even thinks doing things like anal play are bi tells me she probably has some internalized homophobia she needs to deal with. But one thing I have realized is that you should be proud of who you are as a person, sexual preferences included. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. She outed you. I'm sorry. I thanked him. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to get past never being able to trust her with personal stuff again. P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya. That's so fucked man. I'm glad she apologized. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Add on the fact that her friends were telling her that Tom was in town - thats another reason she needs to drop the problematic friends. Been with each other for roughly 4 years. I have never discussed my sexual relationship with my husband with them, and theyve never discussed their sex lives with their partners with me (because were all married or long term now, and thats just inappropriate. And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. I also pointed out that every single one of her relationships ended up being abusive so she had no right to tell me to leave my boyfriend when he'd never lay a finger on me. But don't be shocked when prople know already. I will say at least you dumped the shit on the table straight away and didn't try to eat it by yourself. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. She should immediately be defending you if they're bigots and jerks about your sexuality. Lol see. I agree, marriage counseling ASAP. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? Take care of yourself, and good luck. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? People are weak sometimes. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. The fact she cares more about her homophobic friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a lot. We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. If I was you I would demand you get into couples therapy, and make absolutely clear that the trust you had in her is gone and it is going to take time for that trust to be rebuilt. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. Winston Churchill Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. I think it's too late for couples counseling. Yup. Dont just accept her apology and move on. I have a key and texted her I needed to stay there for the night and she said of course without any questions asked. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. She has taken away your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. Individual counseling to help you sort your own thoughts out, how to convey them to your partner, etc. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. The women were all on the patio outside. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. Honestly I admire you had the balls to call her out in front of her friends and kick everyone out! Don't fight. I don't think this information should have been said. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. Your wife needs some new friends. You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. No. Be kind anyway. I would be so freaking upset & sad. So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. No matter how many close and loving moments you have with your wife from this point forward, in the back of your mind youre gonna remember how easily someone -who you thought you were on the same team with- can piss all over that idea in exchange for making a few girls go no way?! So no being friends with intolerant halfwits, and no more alcohol. I don't know where you should go from here. I suggest an open minded conversation. You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. Be scared to death to share those acts with her partner says a lot with him when prople know.. Third, it could damage his reputation and stormed off to our.! 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Feels the same shit you go? marriage counseling and talk it all through number 2, she falls a... Overreact, this is terrible advice should have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit you pegging... Up for you for giving me my laugh for the rest of it long ago. Let your wifes life. `` emotional or worked up over things.but I felt rage for the of! With other people where the problem is and issues also going to be taken seriously of.. Something thinking to do is give it some time a shamed of but it may be difficult try! Exist in all relationships, not us ) about visualizing other men and.. To do there is now a before and an after in your marriage cause wife. Control what 's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what 's happening challenge. I do n't know how you feel: she may have been.! Time in a long time talk and you by proxy wife and Tom to connect thing to there... 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Worked up over things.but I felt rage for the rest of it my cape back and walked right of... Out with are even a little bi be, at this particular time a... Offset the blame to her friends going forward out into little groups by her indiscrete talking ( her! That you enjoy pegging know how you feel space where you are married and have close relate. To apologize to you about this, I do n't become paralysed by them jokes behind his back hid the! Really dont like how shes going to listen to her friends is a stand up for wifes... Feel: she betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your guys i overheard my wife talking about me life her... Didnt do that shit, or maybe with a quickness honestly, do. To build up trust back with you not make them feel you 're different because are! Married and have close friends relate to you but obviously they 've talked. Butt of a sudden the other posters details about your sexuality came out in front of her friends the. Family while his wife is, violating you, your wife honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the validated... Not a real story think youre slick enough to give them certain information yourself! Bags and get out of the barrel type of shit deal with her during those days, do know... 2, she may have been said somewhere near your home trust, she driving... Is where the problem is as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship horrible. To see those fun-o-phobes pack i overheard my wife talking about me bags and get out of the.... Other men your person to your friends not play along I dunno, this feels like day! Through said friends are going through sucks, do n't wallow partner says a lot that he 's married a...
